Beginning

Dear Siying,

This feels like a love letter, and you a pen-pal. But I guess it's good to start things off with a gentle touch, since the topics we're about to discuss are not so gentle.

                                Distance. Dislocation. Disorientation... and the in-between. 

It is violent really. I feel torn when I re-locate. Like my senses have been tainted, words distorted, identity re-defined. 

Like sitting on the beach at twilight, catching the last glimpse of the anxious waves. Enveloped by complex emotions yet you feel so calm. It gets darker and darker, until you can see no more. 

You hear the waves as your heart pounds. So many feelings yet there is nothing to see but darkness. And there you are, alone with your anxieties to belong when there is no place for you. 
The in-between. The limbo. 

Your mind wanders. Perhaps off to a better place. It reminds you of a place from the past. Nostalgia settles in, occupying the space in your head... 

This is the state of mind I'm in, when I drown in the complexity of my own identity crisis... 



Heavy stuffs. (sorry)

Best,
Nikki

Fo Tan, Hong Kong, February 2015